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Fuel for the Fire

by Sing Ramona Sing

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1.
Frozen between stations sleeper trains fill with the sounds of songs declaring anywhere that isn’t home just leaves a bad taste in our mouths and if these walls could talk then they might share the blame, but it was easier for me to paint all four walls with your name. You were an ocean: full of sharks with blood tickling their senses as I trod water in the dark and you; determined to disembark right there and right then. And the songs went 'Oh, please lead me to the exit I can't take it anymore' And I screamed 'No!' with my arms stretched open wide trying to keep you from the door. And when some things got broken I poured gold into the cracks leaving us glimmering resolve and finger bones that we kept crossed behind our backs 'cause to my ears all of these songs were yours to sing as if pointing broken fingers ever settled anything. We were young. Well, we weren't dead. We didn't worry about those memories carving words into my head. But i remember, that double bed had more space for me then. And the songs went 'Oh! please lead me to the exit I can't take it anymore' And I screamed 'No!' with my arms stretched open wide trying to keep you from the door. And we sang 'Oh! It's been decades since i heard that old infernal whistle blow' And we sang 'Oh! Any minute now those wheels will once again begin to roll!'
2.
I am an environmental disaster. I am the hole that slowly sank your boat. I am wave after wave of crude oil crashing on your beaches. I’m that bone stuck in your throat. A shard of glass under your eyelid. I am cataclysmic visions that could bring you to your knees. I’m the rustiest fucking nail that you could ever catch your hand on. I’m your old man’s heart disease. And we both said that we wouldn’t but we brought fuel for the fire. We brought all the fuel we could ever carry. But lacking warmth, that flame was just a ghost of our desire, And I would rather die than be something you could marry. I am a book of bad beginnings. I’m a broken record pressed to play a lifetime of white-noise. I’m a twelve-foot oil-on-canvas grim reminder Of what you did with other boys. A laceration on your palate. I am the edge that chipped away your diamond skin. I’m the knuckles bloodied knocking on the door of your old bedroom. And I’m the lips begging for you to let me in. And we both said that we wouldn’t but we brought fuel for the fire. We brought all the fuel we could ever carry. But lacking warmth, that flame was just a ghost of our desire, And I would rather die than be something you could marry. You were sacred, You were sinless, And you were mine. But it soon became apparent That all three were just one lie. I was patient, I was faithful, And things were fine. When it came to giving ground You were rooted to the spot. Here’s me thinking being steadfast was just something you forgot. And we both said that we wouldn’t but we brought fuel for the fire. We brought all the fuel we could ever carry. But lacking warmth, that flame was just a ghost of our desire, And I would rather die than be something you could marry.
3.
Nine-headed bird is in the sky And you are on the ground. That nine-headed bird is in the sky again And you are on the ground. You might have torn out one of its eyes last time, Still 17 staring you down. It was written on your face, That you’d kill anything for me. It was written in big block letters: ‘YOU’D KILL ANYTHING FOR ME.’ I just held my breath and bit my tongue, So I don’t know where the words came from when they said that I don’t love you anymore And I can’t trust you Like I did before. Wildflowers might grow in the garden of this house, But something rots beneath the floorboards. You asked me for my help To tie a noose around my neck. Said ‘put your finger here’ And we tied a noose around my neck. Said it was just to keep me in sight, But you pulled that rope real tight when I said that I don’t love you anymore And I can’t trust you Like I did before. When my eyes are blinded And when my hands are bound I’ll always be reminded That there is hope to be found In that moment when the madness Broke like waves on this clean shore And I realised with no sadness That I don’t love you anymore So I jumped into that water, And you jumped right in after me. I jumped into that cold dark water You jumped right in after me. And down there, in the darkness you saw some things That you were never meant to see. Reaching for my throat, But you can’t swim if you can’t breathe. Reaching for my throat, But you can’t swim if you can’t breathe. That Demon bird circling above, From below the waves looked just like a dove And I’m screaming I don’t love you anymore And I can’t trust you Like I did before. Wildflowers might grow in the garden of this house, But something rots beneath the floorboards.
4.
It started that night that we first met Our neighbours posting pictures of their missing pets It didn’t take long to get all over the news The bottomless pit on the corner of Briggate and Mews And the fire brigade were summoned But they didn’t know what to do ‘cause in terms of fighting fires this was new. So the scientist poured in and they tried their best But sadly the answers evaded their tests They could have just asked us ‘cause we knew the truth: That the source of this abyss just happened to be me and you. And the more we were apart, The greater the hole grew. We were destined from the start To be doomed. Determined to fix it, determined to try. We established the ‘what’ but couldn’t fathom the ‘why’. All reason beyond us, but as far as we could tell, Our love had created for us our very own gate to Hell. The more the hole grew the yellow smoke rose that much higher. I held onto you with a strength that wouldn’t tire. The city slept having bad dreams about the fire. We woke up early and watched the sun rise up behind the razorwire. And when the barricades were swallowed And the orders were issued To evacuate the city We knew what we had to do. So we jumped into those fires. Hand in hand, we went to die. On the day that the earth tried to swallow the sky.
5.
Corina’s creeping up the walls again, Roxanne won’t stop rattling her chains, You’re haunted by the ghosts of a thousand faceless lovers Described to you in song so that you can’t forget their names. And it’s one thing to arrive at the conclusion on your own but that’s the thing: You’re being constantly reminded that you’re facing this alone and it’s terrifying. You’re heading for another sleepless night again, Because Anna’s begun pacing in the hall. For the briefest moment Maggie May was weeping in your bedroom, But when you looked again you saw she wasn’t there at all. It’s as if your house is built upon the grave of Nat King Cole, in which he spins At the injustice put before him ‘cause someone like you, alone, seems such a sin. You sit and watch Sophia spinning chairs again As Delilah whispers evil in your ear. You wish someone could come around and exorcise these demons To take you in their arms and far away from all this fear. But I know it can’t be me because I know I’m not the one you love the most But the best that I can do is at least try and make you someone else’s ghost.
6.
At the bottom of the valley, there’s a mountain. You can only really see it through the corner of your eye. And I thought that you might come down here and drag me to the top, But it seems that now you’re with me I must walk there by your side. And It’s not easy. It’s never easy. But you make it easier on me. And so I told you, And you told me That there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. And it’s been much better in the time I’ve known you. Sure-footed with each step you laid on each and every stone. But I’m not blind and I have seen you stumble, And realised that you’re climbing a mountain of your own And It’s not easy. It’s never easy. But how easy could it really be? And so I’ll hold you, And you’ll hold me And we’ll both hold on until we find some air that we can really breathe. And we’ll lift our heads. Cause the air down here is full of fucking poison. And the flies within force us to drink it down through gritted teeth It hangs so thick and heavy I can hardly see your face, Or the grim determination you’ve got buried underneath And It’s not easy. It’s never easy. But you make it easier on me. And so I told you, And you told me That there’s nowhere else you’d rather be.

credits

released December 19, 2015

All songs written and performed by Sing Ramona Sing 2015. All rights reserved. Sing Ramona Sing are Martin Cook & Luke Purcell. Artwork by Krooked Blade.

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Sing Ramona Sing York, UK

Songs about love, ghosts, and revenge.

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